The Perfect Rose
Check out everyone on Match.com.
Keep looking for that perfect rose.
Find the one who wears the white robe just for you,
And not because she likes it too.
Find the one who would never fight you to speak her truth.
Who has no thorns to prick your heart and make it bleed.
The one who already dances like a ballerina,
Who knows that arithmetic in not mathematics.
Find the one who will wear the sexy, pointed toed heels for you
And never complain of hurting feet while looking for the car.
Find the one who is already thin and does not need to lose weight.
Find the one who has a house on Cape Cod and Key West.
Find the rose that grows with no thorns.
___ Beverly Smith
This draft attempts to reclaim that tired poetic image of the rose. I think, probably, that it's just too much weight to counter. Not only are love poems very difficult--since we have the weight of tradition on us--but trying to employ the stock symbols of love makes it all the more difficult.
ReplyDeleteThis piece has a amount of good potential. I would suggest shying away from the things that already have their own connotations such as rose, heart, truth, and so on. These things leave their own set of meanings with the reader and it takes away from what your trying to create here. What if we took those things out and added specifics? Describe a "perfect rose." What is her truth? What do those "pointed toed heels" look like? Try describing how she looks like a ballerina by using dance lingo or actual ballet movements. There is a lot of space to put image based description. I wish you luck, and this was a nice draft.
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